A VICTIM OF EXTREME MISANDRY

I am facing  a disturbing predicament in my own family – and this is,’ hatred for men’. Not just any hatred for any men, but men that are an umbilical habitual connection and bloodline in our family.

This started years ago, when my mother was physical abused by my father, which is one of the issues I dealt with in my previous writings. This hatred has since spilt over to all men in our maternal-and-paternal families, respectively. Even the little boys feel it.

The premise of this hatred has since been ignored, without affirmation, introspection, retrospection, counseling-sessions, emotional compensation and ownership from the initial abuser . A more formative defence mechanism has since been erected, which places all men in a discriminatory boxed environment – ‘All men are abusers and all men must suffer.’ 

The seed was planted by a male figure in my life, and now,  misandry has manifested its self – ‘the sins of the father will visit upon the son’ , so the saying goes. 

It came gradually, over the years. I did not pay too much attention to it, because I saw my mother as source of nurture, emotional protection and a room of wisdom. Only to discover later on in life that I am blamed for what my father did years ago, turning her into a punching bag,  which resulted in their unconditional divorce.

Unconditional  because,  growing up as a youngster there was no financial, emotional,  physical implications and reproach given towards my parents’ divorce conditions. Hence, this  clouded blame shifting that has shrouded my family’s existence – now, spilling over to younger women and men that had nothing to do with it in the first place.

I always wondered why my mother blamed me for every little thing that went wrong in our home, why she chastised me for things I did not do, and why she believed people that accused me of things I did not have any faintest idea about. I first saw it as personality enhancement, don’t talk to your mother about anything,  however, continuous replications made me change my outlook. And now, I see it as it is – plain, emotional abuse. 

Coupled to that, I am constantly reminded  that I am ‘useless, baggage and a good for nothing soon to be a street sweeper’ which is, verbal abuse.

On top of that, I am also told that I’m not allowed to talk to anyone, tell anyone of the things that are untowardly uttered towards me, as man. Why? Because, I am a man and must take it as a man, just keep quiet. Why? Because, it’s what men do. Take it and analyse yourself man! 

It all comes to the point where one cannot ignore the hash, degrading words that verbally rain towards you, and ones verbal reaction is taken as ‘women abuse’ – cycling reaction of abuse. Who is the real abuser here!

It’s allowed for a man to be called “Shit!”  by his sister, and the man must just take it, like that, as a man. Why? Because, if a man retaliates, that is not manly of him.

I don’t blame my mother for what she’s doing,  for the reason that, she did not deal with her pain. A pain that came as a by-product of physical abuse, in the hands of man she loved. 

As people we reflect upon our own lives and how we are brought up.

It takes great courage, and emotional strength not to replicate the sins of our fathers. Even in the face of women that are reverse-abusers*

Yes, say 'No to Women and Children Abuse.' Reversely, say 'No to Men Abuse.'

I love women*

THIS IS NOT A REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala