IS IT LOVE, OR IS IT HATE THAT I’M FEELING?

When something is toxic, it is toxic, in whatever form it comes. It is worse when it comes in a form of a person that you really love and plan to spend your entire life with, then - BOOM! You have a love crazy psychopath literally bleeding in your hands, with cloudy one sided accusations thundering at you.

When you don’t need a love-interest in your life anymore, the most simplest, considerable thing to do is to let them know – break it down slowly…..or fast, but break it down. You might encounter some form of emotionally linear, nonlinear sob, shout filled resistance, even silence, when breaking your heart felt news to them. In the end the breaking-up job will be technically done.

On the other hand, when you don’t need a love-interest in your life anymore, do not go around bad-mouthing them for ill-treatment towards you, just because you want to leave them, hence you don’t want anyone else to be with them after you are over-and-done with the relationship.

So, the question is: Can you really ‘claim’ to be in a loving-relationship with someone and insist on bad-mouthing them in the faces of your friends and family for ill-treatment, which they did not dish out?   Yeah, you might dish out for the dog outside, then do the dishes after but never throw any dishes aimed at anyone inside the house, screaming obscenities.

There are unwise partners out there. Partners that do not know how to handle the metaphysical reaction that goes on inside them. When they are suddenly hit by the knowledge and truth, that they do not have that needed passion and attraction to keep up the flames of love blazing, they explode. However, this bursting out is an implosion that is misdirected outwardly. Where what is needed to be said is not said to their partner, and what is not needed to be said is said to everyone that cares to listen. In refined terms, called: ‘An impolitic love-hate manoeuvre’.    

An impolitic love-hate manoeuvre, is a very hard place between being loved and being hated when bad-mouthing rocks are aiming at you.  

One suddenly hears rumours about their ill-mannered behaviour from castigating neighbours, friends, family, including work colleagues about things they haven’t done.

“Did you hear what Dick did?”

“ What did Dick do?”

“Where was Dick? Where?”

Only to find out that your most precious has been creating nasty tales about you, only to make you back-up, then push you over the edge.

No one comes to Dick’s defence, shouting: “Hey, enough! Enough! Leave Dick alone! Dick don’t know jack!”

When a “I want out of this love-affair!” lover, pulls ‘an impolitic love-hate manoeuvre’ on you, the first thing that hits you is…..yes, confusion. “What in the living misery is going on?” then that confusion gradually manifest its self into “What did I do to deserve this?” Others go ‘schizo’ on the menacing bad-mouthing lover “Maybe I did do it, when I was asleep?”……”Eish, is it love, or hate that I’m feeling?”

At times it leads to an uproar. Where a man…. or  a woman is left with one choice when all has been done and nothing can never be done –  the coldest-end-of-the-stick, has been dished out: “You came here with the bare essentials and you shall depart with your bare essentials! I hate you! I hate you!”

It is said, “Everyone Needs Love!” In the end it’s the one person that you love most that destroys you the most – they know everything about you that you don’t even know yourself.

Yes everyone needs crazy love, however if crazy love doesn’t need you, let crazy love leave.

WORD TO A LOVE-HATE REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala

SPEAK LESS AND LISTEN MORE

When I committed myself into it, I knew the expectations that awaited me. I was prepared for the eventualities that will huddle me surprisingly without any warning, the unlikely overtures of a story that began unfolding many years ago – years that brought me to these terms of existence, haggard with joy, laughter, pain, sorrow, tears and smiles.   

These terms of existence that were a soothing ease during the tender years of having been christened to who I am and what I was meant to be in this life.

As a young boy, I preferred to keep quiet and watch, the perplexities of human acts. Logged in the quiet, peaceful enclosure of my mental and emotional cognoscenti of what is and what will be, to what is unfolding and recorded by my eyes and ears of being. I was a humanist in the making then, trying to make sense of everything that was going on, without a thorough comprehension of many religious and non-religious beliefs groupings that cordoned the confirmed and the non-confirmed eventualities of our (humans) managed lives.  

I saw those that conformed under political constrains, and I saw those who were non-conformist to their pious conditions, and those that swayed without the knowledge of their impish standpoint, for not belonging to any convictions, beliefs, habitation and cohabitation standards.

I committed myself into it, amidst the vendor assistant duties that my grandmother enforced without relent in a taxi, bus, fruit-and-vegetable stalls, and coal-smoke infested field, that adjoined Thokoza and Katlehong. As the unknown Bee stung my finger, and left a pulsating blood-filled lump that told a history of the enfeeble enmity that ate away into the core of our beloved country.  

I took it all in - in the words and phrases, in the multifaceted tongues that coloured my hearing, the clicks and taut dialects of humanity that surrounded my fascination. The hostel-dwellers that gyrated routinely to the claps of the warrior dance, Idlamu, when the colourful attired women and children, men with Holy sticks, had returned from the Holy Houses, from renewing their vows of assorted worship. Culinary smells inviting the empty stomachs in need. The rectangle dusty fields filled with keen young men in pursuit of thee circular cow skin, to control, manoeuvre and place it beyond the awaiting posts – the celebrated game.

In walks of experimentation with my peers, I preferred to keep quiet and listen to airy prattles about this and that, that actually meant nothing, but everything in a young boy’s heart.               

        

An Older Man cried out, “Speak less and listen more, young ones, wait for your turn to speak.”

When I committed myself into it, I knew the expectations that awaited me. I knew that in life we die in the fated evening and we are resuscitated in the assured morning, to try and make amends of the dark  wrongs that were written on previous light days that were meant to be right.     

WORD TO THE LIFE REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala  

KHWEZI NGWENYA: ONE OF SOUTH AFRICA’S TOP25 MODELS FOR 2012

            KHWEZI NGWENYA         Photo by: Yaseen

  Interview with Sakazi

 

As news came through that Khwezi Ngwenya has been chosen as one of South Africa’s Top25 Models for the 2012 Top Model Search campaign, Linda Sakazi Thwala took some time out to get to know this stunning modelling fashionista.

Arminda Nokhwezi Ngwenya, popularly known as Khwezi Ngwenya, was born in King Edward Hospital Durban, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. She is a daughter of Andrias Ngoma Ngwenya and the late Jabu Kubheka. Her father is a migrant worker from Mozambique Maputo, and her mother is from Dundee, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa.

She has two sisters, Nolwandle and Lwandle, and half-brothers, Qiniso, Ayanda, Lungelo - and a half-sister Mpilo Ngwenya.

Q: When did it all start?

A: It all started formally in 2007 though I did my first show end of 2006 at the Durban playhouse.

I was trained by Models International Agency, I completed my Beginner, Intermediate and Advance Modelling Diploma in 2007. I've done fashion shows ,photo shoots, promotion and beauty pageants. I also dance Ballroom.

Q: What inspires Khwezi?

A: I find inspiration in more things than I can count, I'm inspired by any successful person , people that work hard and make something out of nothing, but what keeps me going the most lately are the young ladies and gents that love what I do, that inbox me on Facebook, Twitter and BBM, that ask for tips on how to get where I am. In actual fact I can’t see where I am in life , the only time a person realizes how far is when the next person tells you. Lastly, I work hard just to better my younger brother and sisters lives. I want them to be able to look up to me and be proud!! I love Tyra Banks work, I want to be the South African Tyra Banks if not better.

Q: What influences led you to pursue a fashion/ramp career?

A: As a teenager I had very low self esteem. I was always the tallest in my class and amongst my mates and I was very skinny and my dad would cut my hair really short. So I always felt like I didn't look as attractive as other kids. So one day in Matric I picked up a student newspaper "free4all" , they had an article of Models international class and a entry form. Then, I had just started my first job at the Hilton Hotel, filled in the form and sent it. I wanted to face my biggest fear then, to stand in front of people and have them judge me. I did 3 modelling courses "Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced" - I passed all three very well as was one of the better students in my class and then I took it from there. I had a lot of help and motivation. At that time I looked up to Nosipho Dlamini from Models International as she had won model of the year, 2007. She was also my teacher when I did my classes at models International…

Q: How many fashion campaigns have you been involved in, thus far?

A: I have done a lot of pageants which resulted in me winning 1st,2nd and 3rd place. I have done a lot of fashion shows. I have done many shoots as well as personal shoots. One that I'm seen around often is a hair shoot that I did in 2010 but I started seeing the posters in 2011 and 2012. I have done body painting for the Rugby Sharks campaign.

Some of the Fashion shows and beauty pageant that I have done include: Miss uShaka 2011; Miss Camlot 2008; Miss Durban 2008; Miss Durban 2009; Face of Coming Out Promotions 2007; Face of Revlon; Miss Tropica; Miss Vacca Mata; KZN top model of the year; Mr Price O31 fashion show; SMME Fashion Show; Durban July 2008 – present; Durban July pre-fashion shows 2011-present; Eastern Rendezvous ; KYD fashion shows and many more…

Magazines: Future Bride 2009 - 2010 edition and newspapers articles , Mag articles "Sharks Mag - Durban July 2010 - Slasher Girl"; Posters Hair Salons 2011-2012.

I get involved with community work "teaching girls how to model", judging pageants, eg: MR / Miss DUT inter-res , MR / Miss Mahlongwe in South Coast and many more.


Q: Is your fashion effort limited to ramps and photo-shoots only? Or do you also pursue spontaneous fashion advertising, e.g. Wearing a recently knitted dress to social event?

A: Its not limited. I'm spontaneous. I work with any idea that comes up. Most designers that I have worked with dress me for events that I attend and as well as doing community work judging pageants, e.g. MR/Miss DUT inter-res , MR/Miss Mahlongwe in south coast and many more.

Q: What’s the aim of it all – why modelling?

A: Modelling is a platform for me to change the way people think about models and modeling as an industry. It has taught me a lot as a person, helping me to gain confidence and appreciate people. It gave me the need of wanting to put a smile on someone else’s face, and that the smallest positive action you do to the next person can change the world. For me it does not end here, I'm still going to work twice as hard so I can influence more young people to be positive, confident, strong , to believe in themselves and that they should not forget that we serve an amazing GOD!

Q: Why so much ambition on fashion and modelling?

A: Modelling and ballroom dancing gave me sense of style in everything I do. It made me respect and love myself , also appreciate the unique way God has build me.

Q: Your motto in life?

A: I Live life for today as I never know what tomorrow will bring for me. I know that I am as happy as I make up my mind to be. I do justly, love mercy, I walk humbly with my God and I never stop smiling because, I never know who is falling in love with my smile. I Live, Love, Laugh and have lots of fun. In life one has to start somewhere, I don't let my past or up-bring define the person I am today.

Q: What type of movies and music inspire you?

A: Apart from horror flicks, I appreciate all genres of movies. Movies that expand on many themes. I listen to a bit of everything. I love instrumental music like jazz. I love meaningful music, in particular R&B, and I dance to house music.

Q: Do you cook ?

A: Yes I can cook and I do cook. In fact I love cooking , when I cook I go all out. I love cooking pasta, chicken and baking.

Q: Who’s your favourite author and genre of books?

A: At the moment I’m reading “Don’t waste your life” by JOHN PIPER, I’m enjoying it so much....I wanna get hold of MODEL LAND by Tyra Bank.  

Q: What are your favourite colours?

A: Green , black and gold .... I mostly have green nails , I love gold eye shadow "with natural colours", and I love wearing black and my hair is always black.

Khwezi attended Roseland Primary School in Newlands, Durban and attended Dundee Secondary High School after her mother’s death, before her and her family headed back to Durban where she finished her uniformed schooling at Futura High School.

She has a National Diploma in Information Technology , National Diploma in Systems Engineering and she is a Professional Model who spans her trade between Fashion Model "Ramp" , Photographic Model "Shoots", Beauty Pageants and Body Painting.

WORD TO KHWEZI NGWENYA’S MODELLING REVOLUTION 

Linda Sakazi Thwala 

Websites:
www.Khwezingwenya.co.za

www.topmodelsearch.co.za
khwezi.ngwenya@facebook.com


South Africa's Top Model finale will be happening on the 25th August 2012.

Linda Sakazi Twala 

THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS…...

The truth of the matter is, relationships are very hard and very complex to maintain in today’s world, especially when one goes into a particular relationship not knowing what they want. Others have their own ulterior motives that sometime work for their advantage, but at times do the most unwanted damage.

  

It’s good to be in a relationship that is complex with growth and fun loving. However, if a relationship that is doomed from the start, one will never find peace of mind and heart because it will be an enduring struggle from its initiation, until its destined breakup.

When you go into a relationship with an individual that is emotionally unstable, and has a number of unwanted past and present ghosts in their closet, your fate in the relationship is enveloped, sealed and delivered like a forecasted Tsunami, only to arrive at the wrong time.

Regrettably, in a relationship your partner will never be the perfect person that you’ve always wished for, notwithstanding the emotional and physical appeasement that one tables without guard or caution for the sake of being in love and being loved. Your partner can never be the Mister Right or the Miss Right, and can never give you the right needs and wants when you require them, as much as you can never be at a particular point in time.

It’s what we do in our relationships that makes us the right person for the person we are with at that particular juncture.

A self-imposed emotional and physical degradation is initiated through not knowing what one wants and needs in their  particular relationships, more especially, a loving relationship. When you go into a serious relationship not knowing what direction you want that ‘relationship’ to take you or carry you, your moral fibre will be tattered by the confines and confusion of indecision.

Indecision leads one to dilly-dally between a true love: one that offers safety and shelter, warmth, good sex, a progressive conversation and stability. With a seemingly promising heated love relational, that doesn’t provide the essentials of a grounded relationship with stability.    

One needs to be committal and be grounded to one partner, to finding a transcending-love that aims for real growth and stability to alleviate relationship strife and emotional storm of numerous partners, and unwanted sexual activity.

The truth of the matter is, loving relationships do matter. However, what matters the most is: Are you the right matter in that loving relationship?

WORD TO A NEW RELATIONSHIP MATTER REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala      0719727764

WHAT’S HAPPENING MY PERSONALITY!

When I was fourteen, I picked up a book that spoke about ‘multiple-personality disorder’ – at that particular moment in time, I had never delved into the confirms of hidden personalities with a one mind, one bodied individual, with a varying emotionally shape-shifting presence.

This was a true-life account of what happened to this little girl that learnt to emotionally shape-shift to hide the violent nature of her home existence – a drunk of a father and an emotionally, verbally abusive mother. Thus, she created personalities that will hide her real self and take over in mentally and emotionally overwhelming situations.

Does this notion apply to individuals who create a surreal environment as an escapism from their daily demanding and strenuous lives? Do people who overindulge in the name of fun, hence forget or claim to have forgotten what happened the previous day anecdotes of ‘multiple-personality disorder’?

Its seems that more and more people are prone to indulge in inappropriate behaviour as an escapism to this globosely mentally and emotionally overwhelming situations of everyday living.

Some people hide the fact that they have personalities that makes them pinchers, only to psychologically shape-shift at a secretive moment, or when the time to pinch arrives. Others find themselves in clothes which are meant for the other sex. Others hide the fact that they are sex maniacs, who indulge in romps of sexual activity without throwing a caution to the wind – when they get caught, it’s all denial: “It was the other person that did it, not me.” When in actual fact the tell-tale signs of putting the hand in the cookie-jar are right there, there in front of them.      

The most fascinating part about this ‘multiple-personality’ psyche, is the link between traditional norms of mysticism and one’s ability to go into a trans-state, therefore allowing ancestral spirits to communicate with the living through an individual’s body. Scholar of psychology claim that this ability to commune with the dead as a mere symptom of ‘mental debilitation’ or ‘mental disease’ i.e. schizophrenia.

Is spiritual visitation part of this ‘multiple-personality’ accretion to the madness of this world and humanity’s assumptions of finding an unknown place to hide? A representation of death.

A legion of thought framework, coupled by a traumatic experience can lead an individual’s neurological pathways to criss-cross and find an escapism within its self – an alternate personality. As to whether natural mischief can be accounted to ‘multiple-personality disorder’ that is another hypothesis – in knowing or not knowing.

   

With all the indifference that has overwhelmed the world and destroyed people’s lives – one could not help but wonder if people forget who they are – psychologically shape-shift, only wake up to realise what they’ve done.

WORD TO A NEW PERSONALITY REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala


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