Marriage is truly a hard and complicated union to get into – When you get into it, you have to drive a really hard compromising and winning arrangement. Others seize to exist and lose all contact with their friends and family. Others get into marriage for the wrong reasons, thus end up burning the other end of the stick, by committing adultery. In other situations people are forced to marry whether they like it or not. Notwithstanding, couples that cordially agree to get into the bonds of marriage to honour their love together, ‘in sickness and in health, till death do them apart’ and actually be true to their genuine life long commitment.
If you are a sucker for companionship you are bound to burn a few fingers and plunge yourself into an insensitive despair - Especially, when your bonds are with a wrong person, either in marriage or in any other relationships. On the other hand, if you value your life, you do know that; it is neither safe nor wise to go into any courtships without questioning the intentions or true feelings of another unless, that particular individual has you engrossed around their little finger and you are drooling and drumming to the beat of their music. Consequently, lose your reality and principles on life.
In one occasion, I met this lovely charismatic young lady, who related (to me) the problems she encounters in her relationship with her husband - how she goes out of her way to try and gratify his manly pleasures and yet, he is not willing or prepared to nurture her needs. She confessed to having anticipated his behavioral patterns, way before they started contemplating marital bliss but, was blinded by the eyes of her heart and encouraging comments by her friends, who thought (according to her) he was well endowed in bed - thus will be an excellent provider and shelter or balance her emotional imbalances .Others thought, they’ll be well suited into a harmonized relationship, in holy matrimony and that they are a match made-in-heaven for each other.
Regrettably for her, the truth about their relationship started settling-in when the honeymoon stages ended for him, and he started seeing, how imperfect a woman she is. That’s when he started on using her affection for him to his advantage - even though she was religiously loyal to him.
She told of ghastly, disappointing accounts, when she would arrive home early to surprise him, after a long business trip, in their own apartment and heard sounds and groans of sexual gratification of him and another unsuspecting young lady, coming from their own bedroom, in her own bed. Now, being a good woman she is - she would leave the place and come back later when the deeds of infidelity have been done. Afraid of any confrontation that will drive him away; which will end-up for her losing the one person she truly loves. She would resolve pretending nothing happened.
Not only that but; whenever they have a chance to go out together, he would leave her to oversee the bill for their expensive outing. He doesn’t show any respect to her opinions and lends no support to their (childless) family obligations. At times, her husband is so secluded to their financial hardships, to the extent that he steals from her purse. I asked her; why not kick the brother to the curb? She dreamily replied: “When he touches me, I just, melt.”
Besides the former incident - my sister always complains constantly, about her husband cheating on her with young high schoolgirls - the type that speak and handle themselves like older mature women, when they are actually little insecure girls inside and in appearance. The type of schoolgirl that is seeking for a good time, from sugar-daddies, forgetting the pain they inflict to their sugar-daddy’s spouse. The marriage-wrecker type of little girl, that doesn’t realize that she still has a life ahead, beyond what my brother-in-law or any other sugar-daddy can provide for her. Fortunately my brother –in-law is the type of man that acknowledges his wrong deeds – hence he took necessary steps to mend the broken bridges, between him and his wife.
I confess to haven’t experienced the bliss or blast of marital life but, according to what my friends and some elderly couples whom I closely associate with – some of which, have been married for decades. This is what I know:
Some relationships or marriages are driven to the point of destruction, due to infidelity, high expectations and communication breakdown. In some, this destructive pattern comes in a form of abuse that could be: substance abuse (i.e. Alcohol), emotional abuse, physical abuse or verbal abuse. This is what I innately know, and have incessantly communicated about maltreatment.
Maltreatment towards women, whether emotionally, verbally or physically has been an outdated behavioral pattern exposed in some, if not all relationships – that is created by the unfortunate notion which maintains that, a man is a proverbial ‘head of the family’. Other men inflict judgment upon their women and find it, their god-given right to handle their women indecently; therefore creating a perception that portrays all men to be within the boundaries of cowardice conduct when relating to their spouse. This creates a dilemma, where the women have to face the challenges of day to day decision making for the livelihood of their children thus, deterring the traditional notion of gender superiority in relationships.
Gender plays a pivotal role in our society especially, in identifying and suppressing the weaker sex. In democratic countries educated women have disproved the gender issue, by taking over the role of bread-winner in so doing, enraging the chauvinistic ideals of men who have it in their preconceived thoughts that women are the weaker inferior sex. Globally, assumptions as these, about women and their femininity have dampened the struggle of women’s emancipation and ultimately their image. Leading to an impression that analyzes women as sex objects and baby-makers, in contrast to their male counter parts, who are seen as macho and capable of handling laborious tasks. And can womanize and abuse as many women as they wish, without being labeled or branded a ‘harlot’. The irony is that throughout history masculine dominance has been supported by a timid nature of tribalism minds of women, who allowed this indoctrination to take-over their god given right, of not only as care-giver but, also as leader, which in this modern world, is a formidable part of motherhood.
Essentially the effects brought about by gender segregation in our nations; filter through to our relationships, formulating bias and prejudice connotations against females. The questioning roles of which, have been taken far too seriously by males, who conclude that being provider equally places them on the pedestal as decision-maker therefore, enables them to encompass the hopes and interests of the children and, the spouse in their decisions, even though those decisions are self-indulgent.
Eventually creating stereotypes in relationships, where women who rebel are trapped in a pool of physical, verbal and emotional abuse – hence, affecting the equilibrium of the relationship and hindering the development of each individual whether in a physique or spiritual form. It is vital to remember that, a marriage situation is in essence a place of growth for both man and woman. In a realistic relationship scenario, respect and trust should take precedence to any flaws that your partner has or lacks and in-turn try to accentuate the good qualities or values that each spouse contributes to the union.
Matrimony whether it is holy or not, was not meant for dominance of one sex to another, rather a joint struggle to reach the superior values of life and give each spouse a direction to faith as well as, loving procreation.
In Love and Light Peeps!
WORD TO A NEW MARITAL REVOLUTION
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