I never knew that thinking of yourself first, especially when it comes to the vanity of upholding a good moral standard, it terms of relationships, makes one ‘self-centered’. I never knew that, not until a girl that I met in a taxi on my way home, who happens to live in my vicinity, sent me a rather confusing message, after I had suggested we exchange numbers and communicate for a while, she readily agreed.
A Short Message Service (SMS) beeped through my cell one evening, that read: “So I guess I’ll be losing out on a wonderful friendship but I can understand that, some people would rather have 0 (zero) contact than to continue in the direction extremely opposite to their expectation. I see this is a very familiar pattern with you and I’ve not known you long enough to come to any clear conclusion about you but don’t you ever feel like maybe you should do some introspection since the common denominator in the cycle is you. I’m not being judgmental or trying to play therapist but there are a few things you can do that might bring you different results next time. You can’t do the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes. I am girl, I have a little knowledge about this breed but hey 0 (zero) contact is cool by me.”
Yes, I had formatted expectations about her, the third occasion I saw this graceful dark deliciously scholarly poised young lady in the same route home, with a book in hand. No, my expectations were not just a rudimentary friendship with just a woman. I wanted to know her and everything about her – what tinge made her body and soul tingle and appease; her likes and dislikes, her perceptions, optimism and skepticism about life.
I decided to give it a shot, give her a call and we initiated transverse cellphone conversations, stretching three weeks; chatting about this and that and everything under the sun, her biblical beliefs and library collection, her preferred emotive color and musical taste. Our conversations went on until, she earnestly, distinctly told me she was not seeking for a relationship with any other man because, she is in a long-term relationship with a guy that she evidently adored and had christened her “Man”.
When a woman tells you that she is in a loving relationship with her man, and is not seeking an alternative to what she has. And you are a ‘single’ guy, that had formatted dreamily ideas of falling in love, had stated your intentions initially, of being in a loving relationship with that same woman. Not a platonic relationship but, a fully fledged romantic courtship; and were told to quell those thoughts not for now or maybe later but forever, that means you are not getting anywhere.
Therefore, I politely asked this beautiful scholarly poised young lady to forget about me calling her and conversing with her about this and that and everything under the sun. Why? She unequivocally stated that she had a “man” that she unquestionably adored, and was not thinking of letting go anytime soon. “Zero contact” I pleaded with her.
Hence, the dubious reply that convicted my personality to the confines of “self-centered” dome. I was utterly flabbergasted! How can I be “self-centered” when I was single in status and she was in a supposedly loving relationship with a “man” she undoubtedly adores, however wants me to constantly call her for long late night chats? Am I missing something? Do you love your man or do you want me?
Vanity goes a long way, and one of these self-important ways is knowing that other people do have feelings too, especially other men - wrecking another man’s house falls short to self-importance.
I did an “introspection” after she told me she was in a “loving relationship” with a “man” that she faithfully adores very much, the common denominator in the cycle being her “man”, not I. Thus, decided that to save us getting into an emotional whirl-wind that will lead her to infidelity, I have to distance myself from this palpable ‘tragi-romance’ situation. I guess in retrospect, I failed to foresee that her intentions were to be unfaithful. If it means I am “self-centered” so be it.
WORD TO A NEW LOVING RELATIONSHIP REVOLUTION
By Linda Sakazi Thwala
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