PARENTS WHO USE THEIR CHILDREN AS SHIELDS

A bad relationship can wield a stack of unwarranted nasty warring manoeuvres from two people who use to admire each other, but find themselves fighting an emotional war that leaves no emotional casualties. One of these spiteful tactics is using the child/children as a pawn(s) to make the other partner mentally and emotionally wounded.

Parents who use their children as shields are not only embroiled in a dangerous affair of destroying their own lives, but also stand to annihilate the lives of innocent bystanders that did not ask to be part of their selfish war.  

What parents do in such situations of a desperate ploy to appease their own hurt, and inflict much needed damage to the other spouse – format damaging statements about the other partner to their child/children, or make them respond in an inappropriate manner in front of their children/child. Creating a chaotic verbal confrontation, which leads to physical abuse.

The children end up with a view that their parent is a nothing that can be respected or regarded as an important entity in their lives – even if they were not the ones that initiated the scuffle. This summons more animosity between the couple, an endless circle of abuse.

At times the circle of  ill-treatment resort to name calling on the children/child’s part because their mother or father told them to brand their spouse as such and such. And chose to being insolent and disregarding of their parent’s feelings and property.  The child/children becomes an emotion threat and destructive bridge that can never be crossed – which leads to a partner exiting the relationship/marriage entirely, erasing their children from their lives in the process.   

    

Using your child/children as a pawn(s) in an emotional battle to gain control over your partner  culminates in a lose-lose situation, without positive reprimand.

If children/child goes through life without having experienced a different love or relationship situation and environment besides, the one between his/her parents; grows up thinking that relationships are a repugnant union – therefore the same situation is perpetuated time and again.

The pinches of relationship repression become ever so much harder to surmount, when the child/children turn against you as a parent because of a brawl between you and your spouse, especially when you are committed to being emotionally, physically and financially responsible towards them.   

  

There are better channels that can be used to remedy the situation without resorting to spreading emotional animosity between a child/children and their other parent.           

It is humanly acceptable to feel hurt when your partner or spouse becomes emotionally and physically negligent towards you and your feelings, however it is not acceptable to intentionally turn your child/children against their parent because, you had a fallout with them.      

Parents who use their children as shields in their relationships, end up destroying their own children.

WORD TO A NEW CHILD PROTECTION REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala

EMOTIONAL TIME - WHEN TIME DOESN’T HEAL......

In relationships couples tend to punish each other for the deeds that were committed by partners from their previous relationships. The torment brought on a new loving relationship by a previous relationship despairing experience, carters a weighing emotional encounter that brings a psychological inequity  to their new relationship.

A distressing experience may vary from emotional abuse to physical or both - that was never addressed and dealt with properly to allow the process of healing to take place.  The experience becomes a stigma of failure and shame in the lives, creating a impression of vulnerability in an individual’s personal makeup.

Some individuals, through emotional vulnerability become emotionally dependent on others, either a lover, spouse or family members – at times are most likely expected to fall into the same trap that they were trying to avoid; subsequently the circle of abuse becomes their lifelong effort of rubbing the evasive emotional, and at times clear physical dent from their personality framework.  

An emotional heartbreak can lead to an individual losing the tidbits of their own emotional intelligence, that regulates their emotive aptitude and mental intelligence, thus create a personality imbalance, on their part, leading to an emotionally educed abnormally. Others plummet towards the margins of self-blame.  

The emotional abnormally comes as a defense mechanism in an effort to eradicate the hurt that has created this seemingly immovable dent, which has shaped their entire existence. Therefore, the circle of hurting and being hurt is perpetuated unremittingly – when avoided.              

It is through ‘reflective therapy’ that one may mend from such tormenting emotional heartbreaks, by breaking down the levels and indentations of that psychological and physical abuse. The process of mending does take time, and a great deal of effort if not faced straight on.

On the other hand, it’s funny how time doesn't really heal the most pertinent moment of relationship heartbreak, however renders a moment of reflection and growth - in relation to how it is taken and dealt with. At times the heartbreak is not given enough time of reflection, healing and emotional growth, therefore it becomes an enduring psychosomatic dent to an individual, hence a safety pin is manifested to an emotionally vulnerable individual – any pressure, the siren goes off, to safeguard the soft dent.

There is no total healing to despondent dents of emotional relationship heartbreaks – there is only time and space of reflecting and reaching a point of mental and emotional deducing as to why it happened, and how the dent of heartbreak can be applied to educate one emotionally, in order to avoid carrying it over to your next relationship.   

It’s how you deal with the relationship heartbreak that gives you transcending growth in how you treat your other romantic relationships from the hurt that has altered your perception on love.

WORD TO A NEW EMOTIONAL HEALING PROCESS REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala 

http://www.facebook.com/SAKAZI

UNSOLICITED TEENAGE SEXUAL ACTIVITY

The thought of teenagers consorting in unsolicited sexual activities with their fellow peers does not dwell well in my cognitive confines. Over the years, South Africa has seen an increase in teenage mortality deaths, mainly due to guardianship neglect from parents and adults in our communities, to safeguard and instilling sexual decency – help in preventing and prolonging unwanted sexual activity, unwanted pregnancies; thus help curb sexual transmitted infections and permanent sexual illnesses.      

We as a society need to encourage our youth to practise abstinence, over and above protection, for as long as it is possible in their adolescent years and early adulthood. Teenagers should not be allowed to use any form of contraceptive medicine, neither oral nor injected. As it has been medically proven that some contraceptives pills and injections, can lead to irreparable dysfunction to their reproductive system and help spread Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and H.I.V/Aids.

Some people view sexual education talks and condom use as encouragement to teenagers to be sexually promiscuous, however I beg to differ.  Sexual talks with teenagers, as noted in the media, particularly concerning the ‘reproductive process’ – as to how, why and what makes a young girl, or a woman pregnant, and the consequences of having to carry the responsibility of bearing a baby, hitherto - are necessary.     

  

Young boys need to understand that penetrating a young female peer sexually, comes with responsibilities, and the fundamental responsibility is to ‘Father’ the baby that will be reproduced from that young female peer through unprotected penetration. Including the pain and torments of treating a sexually acquired infection and disease.

Teenage sexual activity and all its ominous concatenations that support it has to be restrained by a well informed and refined parental hand, that knows when to talk and instil responsible discipline.

Concatenations such as television adult viewing restrictions, pornographic internet site surfing, cellphone sexual advertisements, need to be explained to a young unrefined mind as to what they mean, whom they are directed to and why they shouldn’t be watched by youngsters.           

Failing to talk to your child about sex and its concentration elements can and will lead to teenage rebellion, family dysfunction and unnecessary sorrowing moments.

The Media has captured some of these moments – young boys consorting in unsolicited sex during school hours, in their school’s cloakrooms/toilets with young girls. In some of these cellphone captured  sexual encounters a young girl is being shared by two or three young boys in that moment – despicable.

Parents, guardians, community leaders and the media, need to take a stand  in reducing such despicable teenage behaviour. And I do not think that injecting young girls, who haven’t reached puberty with ‘sterilising medication’ (like animals), will help in depleting teenage pregnancies or curb the spread of H.I.V/Aids.

WORD TO A NEW TEENAGE SEXUAL AWARENESS REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala 

http://www.facebook.com/SAKAZI