A MAN ABOUT NOTHING.........

In my family, I am a man that is not respected – not for any particular neurological, cultural weighty rationale, or justification.

When I was fourteen years old, everything about me, being a child, a boy, and a family member stopped_ when my sister became pregnant with her first daughter.

An allegedly worthwhile justification that is pointed out to me by my mother is that: ‘I don’t have children of my own, hence I should father my sister’s children whether I like it or not.’  (allegedly because it still has to be proven in other families and cultural norms)

My two cents worth question is: “Who slept with her?”

This is problematic: Since her first pregnancy, my sister became pregnant three more times after that whilst living at home and still does;  not being a father to any child (ren) - whenever I have money I have to share it with four of my sister’s children even in crude terms; when I do have money to spend for my own pleasure, I have done an injustice to the children I did not plan to have; my mother doesn’t want to see women visiting me or next to me because I refuse to be a father to children that are not my own; I am an uncle however, none of these children ever call me ‘uncle’, it’s either by name or a made-up weird moniker; add to everything, I am judged for children that are not my own whenever they disrespect me and I discipline them, for disrespecting me.

My father was never there for me in anything I wished for, or endeavoured to do in my life. Nonetheless, he has time now, and the audacity to tell me that I should financially father these children, my sister’s children. And has told me numerous times over the years on the telephone that I am a ‘useless man’. (I’m not a rich man)

Even during my studies for Media and Journalism, when I pressed myself to achieve my best without ill-feeling  against my father (because, my paternal grandfather taught me to respect my elders irrespective of any circumstances) – when I had lost my working contract, my own father called me to tell me ‘I belonged in hell’ and ‘it’s good that I had lost my contract’. (I’m not a rich man still)

My two cents worth question again: “Who slept with her?”

I’ve never, not even once in my life engage in hating or hurting, my mother, my father, my sisters nor these children that do not call me uncle – psychologically or physically.

I am not respected because I am a man, and nothing more.

The good book says: “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them” (reason I know why my grandmother hit me with that ladle many years ago. Thank you granny!)  

My uncles in Tembisa, never gave me a rusty cent, I respected them. My uncles in Katlehong, Springs, Soweto, Newcastle, Pretoria, Rustenburg _ never gave me even the soil, I respected and respect them still.

Even if my mother disrespects me, says I am ‘paranoid’ and then stands up for her disrespectful grandchildren: As a man, I’d rather be a man about nothing to my immediate family, done be a man that financially fathers children who are taught to disrespect those that do not give them money.  

This is emotional abuse, straight up*

WORD TO BEING A MAN ABOUT NOTHING J

Linda Sakazi Thwala