Dear Philemon
Dearest loved. I am deeply mortified
with the occurrence of my betrayal to you. In all essence. I hope you realise
my actions were not meant to hurt you. If anything your expectations towards me
pressurised me to do what I have done, and what I am going to or about to do.
Your expectations placed me at goddess
status. Which, I found that I could not live up to. Sleeping with that man, was
my biggest mistake. I felt you could not love me as much as you claimed you
did. Pretending to all, with your immaculate manner and disciplined demeanour.
Concerned with what people say but, I found it was too high a standard for me to
maintain. Even if I loved you.
Learning how cruel a person you are. Through
my betrayal, showed me, you do have a devious nature too. My wrong doing left a
scar in my heart. I pleaded for your forgiveness, however you chose to
humiliate and degrade me with that suit. A suit of a man I hardly knew. You
made me parade with it around the township. Dishing up for it, every evening.
In our diminishing relationship, I tried to make things right in your home, to
no avail.
To salvage myself, I joined a Cultural
Club. Blinding myself to the depths of your cruelty, to me, your wife. Instead
of being kind and caring, you literally murdered me before doleful strangers.
Mocking me with that albatross. Crucifying my femaleness, my identity, towards
people who had nothing to do with my betrayal.
Expectations placed upon me by you and
society with assumptions of my womanhood are too great a mountain to climb. How
long does it take a person to forgive another?
I am not an angel. I tread on solid
ground, not on celestial pathways where everything is pure, white and perfect. I
have needs! I know you work hard for our welfare and as an intuitive woman, I
nurtured your needs. But what about me?
Well from this day on, I won’t be a problem
to you . I cannot live with this emotional abuse. Death is better than living
with a man that despises you as a woman. I did not mean to betray you. It pains
me so, so much. Sorry for not living to your expectations.
Your Dispirited
Matilda
WORD TO THE NOVELLA
REVOLUTION
(Can Themba's "The Suit" _ writing assignment UNISA-2001)
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