Can Themba’s “THE SUIT” : MALTIDA’S SUICIDE NOTE

 Dear Philemon

Dearest loved. I am deeply mortified with the occurrence of my betrayal to you. In all essence. I hope you realise my actions were not meant to hurt you. If anything your expectations towards me pressurised me to do what I have done, and what I am going to or about to do.

Your expectations placed me at goddess status. Which, I found that I could not live up to. Sleeping with that man, was my biggest mistake. I felt you could not love me as much as you claimed you did. Pretending to all, with your immaculate manner and disciplined demeanour. Concerned with what people say but, I found it was too high a standard for me to maintain. Even if I loved you.

Learning how cruel a person you are. Through my betrayal, showed me, you do have a devious nature too. My wrong doing left a scar in my heart. I pleaded for your forgiveness, however you chose to humiliate and degrade me with that suit. A suit of a man I hardly knew. You made me parade with it around the township. Dishing up for it, every evening. In our diminishing relationship, I tried to make things right in your home, to no avail.

To salvage myself, I joined a Cultural Club. Blinding myself to the depths of your cruelty, to me, your wife. Instead of being kind and caring, you literally murdered me before doleful strangers. Mocking me with that albatross. Crucifying my femaleness, my identity, towards people who had nothing to do with my betrayal.

Expectations placed upon me by you and society with assumptions of my womanhood are too great a mountain to climb. How long does it take a person to forgive another?

I am not an angel. I tread on solid ground, not on celestial pathways where everything is pure, white and perfect. I have needs! I know you work hard for our welfare and as an intuitive woman, I nurtured your needs. But what about me?

Well from this day on, I won’t be a problem to you . I cannot live with this emotional abuse. Death is better than living with a man that despises you as a woman. I did not mean to betray you. It pains me so, so much. Sorry for not living to your expectations.  

Your Dispirited

Matilda

 

WORD TO THE NOVELLA REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala 

(Can Themba's "The Suit" _ writing assignment UNISA-2001)

A LOVE PREDISPOSE CONDITION

 As human beings we settle for what we perceive is the ‘right partner’ because we think, or know that we can sustain the emotional intonations that will not wipe out the initial attraction that brought us together as friends, lovers and life partners.

A conversation with a friend about a perfect partner, not settling for less, took a dimensional fascination on loving relationships.

Can one attain a love interest with a ‘perfect’ partner?

You’ll hear folks who were emotionally burnt lamenting: “I won’t settle for less anymore, I’m looking for a complete package.”  

Given a humanly conditional condition, that we humans find ourselves in _ the rise and fall of everyday life, the changing of human nature and emotions_ What is really less in a relationship? Does settling for less mean, you, yourself are not any lesser than the person that altered your perception of love and relationships? Is less non-human, and can less be attributed to animalistic behaviour? What is less?

Within the known erroneous ways of all human beings. Can an individual say: “I am looking for a complete package?” Is there a complete package? Is there perfection in an individual?

The myth of a complete package still lingers on, on the human condition, even after eons of existence, chronicles, bearing witness to loving relational that were firstly thought of as perfect partnership, only to crumble when it’s least expected.   

Those that do find a heavenly made union of everlasting attraction and camaraderie – can never explain it to anyone, but is only known by the precondition that they themselves cannot explain. Yet, it can be deemed as ‘perfect’ love, for we all know that perfection lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I saw such a couple once, and it was neither Romeo nor  Julies, but my eyes saw what they saw but, not perfection – just two people who were madly in love.

The rise and fall of everyday life brings a sustain truth to us as human being. A truth that we are not invincible.

In the confines of pleasure. In the confines of amble. In the confines of breath – the conditional condition, in a loving relationship lie with those that can endeavour their circumstance of what it means to be together: the expectations, the disappointments, the honesty, the half-truths, the measure of their loyalty to each other, the give, and the take*

I am not an expert in love and in loving relationships, but I know one thing – no one is perfect in this world.

Work with your package*

WORD TO A PACKAGE DEAL PARTNER REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala

THE BORN FREE SUFFRAGE

The term ‘born-frees’ has been loosely thrown around for the past two years, in the national political party campaigns_ pointing out the post-apartheid generation that represent a neo-political viewpoint of young adults who are new voters, that could bring about change, or not - leading up to the 2014 elections, on the 7^th of May.  

A hullabaloo about the term its self surfaced a couple of months ago regarding the use of the term ‘born-free’. In debates that occur within the media, some folks termed it an insult to the intelligentsia of the young people that will be casting  as neo-voters.   

The ‘born-frees’ are free of all the brutal burdens, and political oppression that seized 20 years ago in South Africa.  Their political perspective is solely formed  on what has been preached to them about the past, Apartheid and human suffering that was encountered_ dimensionally weighted against the social, economic, boundless eclectic freedom, that they were born into.   

An ideological foundation to the ‘born-frees’ would be: ‘THE FUTURE SEPARATORS/ DECIDERS’ to a neo-political change and freedom, in our country. Their suffrage stands as a scale to the magnitude of policies that will be implemented by our future leaders. Their suffrage stands on how the state will face the fierce debates on Nationalisation of natural assets of our country, Expropriation of Land_ citizen custodian of shares and profits of land production. Their suffrage stands on how strategic economic sectors of our country will be managed by the elect.     

As deciders to our newly acquired democratic state, the ‘born-frees’ are a systematic weapon to those that need real change and progress in our country.

The ‘Born-frees’ are a new voice that needs to be nurtured, educated and given a hand, and liberty to make that mark*      

       

A neo-vote is important  to a neo-political view point, ultimately to a socioeconomic and social change to the people of South Africa.   

People died in and around South Africa to gain and defend our Democracy*

WORD TO A NEW BORN-FREE VOTER REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala

A MAN ABOUT NOTHING.........

In my family, I am a man that is not respected – not for any particular neurological, cultural weighty rationale, or justification.

When I was fourteen years old, everything about me, being a child, a boy, and a family member stopped_ when my sister became pregnant with her first daughter.

An allegedly worthwhile justification that is pointed out to me by my mother is that: ‘I don’t have children of my own, hence I should father my sister’s children whether I like it or not.’  (allegedly because it still has to be proven in other families and cultural norms)

My two cents worth question is: “Who slept with her?”

This is problematic: Since her first pregnancy, my sister became pregnant three more times after that whilst living at home and still does;  not being a father to any child (ren) - whenever I have money I have to share it with four of my sister’s children even in crude terms; when I do have money to spend for my own pleasure, I have done an injustice to the children I did not plan to have; my mother doesn’t want to see women visiting me or next to me because I refuse to be a father to children that are not my own; I am an uncle however, none of these children ever call me ‘uncle’, it’s either by name or a made-up weird moniker; add to everything, I am judged for children that are not my own whenever they disrespect me and I discipline them, for disrespecting me.

My father was never there for me in anything I wished for, or endeavoured to do in my life. Nonetheless, he has time now, and the audacity to tell me that I should financially father these children, my sister’s children. And has told me numerous times over the years on the telephone that I am a ‘useless man’. (I’m not a rich man)

Even during my studies for Media and Journalism, when I pressed myself to achieve my best without ill-feeling  against my father (because, my paternal grandfather taught me to respect my elders irrespective of any circumstances) – when I had lost my working contract, my own father called me to tell me ‘I belonged in hell’ and ‘it’s good that I had lost my contract’. (I’m not a rich man still)

My two cents worth question again: “Who slept with her?”

I’ve never, not even once in my life engage in hating or hurting, my mother, my father, my sisters nor these children that do not call me uncle – psychologically or physically.

I am not respected because I am a man, and nothing more.

The good book says: “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them” (reason I know why my grandmother hit me with that ladle many years ago. Thank you granny!)  

My uncles in Tembisa, never gave me a rusty cent, I respected them. My uncles in Katlehong, Springs, Soweto, Newcastle, Pretoria, Rustenburg _ never gave me even the soil, I respected and respect them still.

Even if my mother disrespects me, says I am ‘paranoid’ and then stands up for her disrespectful grandchildren: As a man, I’d rather be a man about nothing to my immediate family, done be a man that financially fathers children who are taught to disrespect those that do not give them money.  

This is emotional abuse, straight up*

WORD TO BEING A MAN ABOUT NOTHING J

Linda Sakazi Thwala