ARE MEN IN CRISIS?

After years of scrutinizing South Africa’s political and social paradigm shift – I vehemently believe that South African men are in crisis, due to perceptions and expectations that society bestows on them regarding their brawny behaviour towards women and themselves. In today’s world certain men are no longer concerned with their family obligations or fatherly duties but, rather immense themselves with toxic substances like alcohol or even choose the road of absentia, both emotionally and physically - a realism that is supported by the number of young and older women who are left to bring up their children on their own. This has placed a lot of hardships on some relationships in certain cases living permanent scars, even affectionate love will not heal. I witness daily deprivation of our South African men, brought on by the expectations of being a provider and bread-winner in due course, driving other men to be abusive towards their spouse and children.

Men were brought up under the notion that crying is for ‘sissies’ and that real men do not shed any tears. You know what I say: “Tell that to the caveman!” Watching Noeleen’s show, Three Talk during 2007 - a certain gentleman on the panel commented that South African man need to learn to be ‘emotionally viable’ and that is not done through suppression of feelings, therefore man need to learn that emotions are what drives the core of who you really are and they determine the nature of your other relationships, be it with your lover, friends or acquaintances. Your emotions need to be re-evaluated daily in order for you to keep a constant balance of what your needs are and what society requires of you. Men who ignore their innate emotions end up trying to compensate for that by being either chauvinistic or abusive towards the opposite sex.

I commented, via telephone, on my experiences of under-going an initiation as a Healer that, you are taught not to suppress any of your feelings; however this does not equal me to a lesser man but, a spiritually intuitive one. And so I learned to control and reach an equilibrium between my female and male powers. A man that is not ‘emotional-viable’ is either a man that cannot support their family and finds it hard to cope or a man that is overlooked and disrespected for his hard work so finds it hard to be compassionate and loving towards his family.

Take my neighbourhood fore instance: We have more taverns than the are places for children to play constructive games that will improve their social and academic skills and it shames me to say there’s no single library on site, not even a park for that matter. Men go to these places after work as they say; to ‘distress’, then go home at mid-night, which makes me wonder, about the well being of the marriage, spouse, the children and to say the least, the perpetrator himself. Their solace is found in a bottle.

Most men believe that money holds the key to respect and love, in any relationship which of-course is unfortunately excruciatingly true. Women are also responsible for bringing this impression to reality, as in every game there are two players. Men who turn to crime are men who are face with a prisoner’s dilemma of whether to leave or stay, as we all know women need a provider and not just a grabber. This is depicted in the Grammy Award winning song by Kenya West that bellowed on our local radio stations: “I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger but, she ain’t messing with no broke, broke…Get down girl go ‘head get down!” The song illustrate satirical connotations, which places a price tag on love itself – in many cases, placing men in a crisis in terms of acceptance by our better half. This may seem untrue but, a man with deeper pockets can buy affection. It is what men have to deal with day in and day out and that’s the reality of the world we live in today. I can be a compassionate, loving, and caring non smoker, non drinker male but, if I don’t have no money most women won’t have me. So I choose to live by the words of Lauryn Hill: ‘Wisdom is better than silver and gold.” (The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill)

Our economic environment has undeniably changed over the years hence, allowing more and more women to venture into the corporate world and also creating a pathway into bringing about gender equity and an economic power balance. However most men are in crisis with this due to the government’s quota system as in most job applications they are left outside in the rain with women acquiring a larger percentage in the quota. I personally have no problem with the quota system because, I am feminist at heart and believe that everyone is created equal, women as well as men must be treated under the some light and no one must receive lesser opportunities.

My concerns though, lie with women and men who are obsessed with power and use that to influence everyone around them to get their way in the world. I have met a few people who are tyrannical in their endeavours in the world but, mostly emotionally tyrannical and I’m sorry to say that these were women. In one incident an old girlfriend of mine told me unequivocally that she is doing me a ‘favour’ by coming to visit me after we have been speaking on the phone for about two weeks, with me calling her every time. Now you tell me; where’s the compassion in those words? Maybe this was caused by my lack of education or my kindness, I don’t know and I will never know.

Yes, men are in a crisis - if it means their compliance to power is mistaken as weakness. Yes they are in crisis, if their respect is taken as uncompromising submission, if women in power treat men with the some chauvinistic ideals that our forefathers gave their women. Yes men are in crisis if they continue to be abusive to themselves and don’t look after the young generation.

Men have to realise that the age of change has arrived and that women have a right to the countries’ economical stake just as men had, ever since the dawn of time. We as a nation must open our eyes to the prosperity of our country in the global fields. The president needs to set a good example as the father of South Africans and bring the two forces that drive this nation together to enable a cohesion of minds and mobility to make South Africa one of the best in the world. Leaders must not degrade the men of this nation in the faces of their women - let us be men of honour and bring light and love to our country by dispelling all other notions of prejudice, sexism and inequality. Let true love reign!

WORD TO A NEW MEN REVOLUTION!

By Linda Sakazi Thwala