THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS…...

The truth of the matter is, relationships are very hard and very complex to maintain in today’s world, especially when one goes into a particular relationship not knowing what they want. Others have their own ulterior motives that sometime work for their advantage, but at times do the most unwanted damage.

  

It’s good to be in a relationship that is complex with growth and fun loving. However, if a relationship that is doomed from the start, one will never find peace of mind and heart because it will be an enduring struggle from its initiation, until its destined breakup.

When you go into a relationship with an individual that is emotionally unstable, and has a number of unwanted past and present ghosts in their closet, your fate in the relationship is enveloped, sealed and delivered like a forecasted Tsunami, only to arrive at the wrong time.

Regrettably, in a relationship your partner will never be the perfect person that you’ve always wished for, notwithstanding the emotional and physical appeasement that one tables without guard or caution for the sake of being in love and being loved. Your partner can never be the Mister Right or the Miss Right, and can never give you the right needs and wants when you require them, as much as you can never be at a particular point in time.

It’s what we do in our relationships that makes us the right person for the person we are with at that particular juncture.

A self-imposed emotional and physical degradation is initiated through not knowing what one wants and needs in their  particular relationships, more especially, a loving relationship. When you go into a serious relationship not knowing what direction you want that ‘relationship’ to take you or carry you, your moral fibre will be tattered by the confines and confusion of indecision.

Indecision leads one to dilly-dally between a true love: one that offers safety and shelter, warmth, good sex, a progressive conversation and stability. With a seemingly promising heated love relational, that doesn’t provide the essentials of a grounded relationship with stability.    

One needs to be committal and be grounded to one partner, to finding a transcending-love that aims for real growth and stability to alleviate relationship strife and emotional storm of numerous partners, and unwanted sexual activity.

The truth of the matter is, loving relationships do matter. However, what matters the most is: Are you the right matter in that loving relationship?

WORD TO A NEW RELATIONSHIP MATTER REVOLUTION

Linda Sakazi Thwala      0719727764

WHAT’S HAPPENING MY PERSONALITY!

When I was fourteen, I picked up a book that spoke about ‘multiple-personality disorder’ – at that particular moment in time, I had never delved into the confirms of hidden personalities with a one mind, one bodied individual, with a varying emotionally shape-shifting presence.

This was a true-life account of what happened to this little girl that learnt to emotionally shape-shift to hide the violent nature of her home existence – a drunk of a father and an emotionally, verbally abusive mother. Thus, she created personalities that will hide her real self and take over in mentally and emotionally overwhelming situations.

Does this notion apply to individuals who create a surreal environment as an escapism from their daily demanding and strenuous lives? Do people who overindulge in the name of fun, hence forget or claim to have forgotten what happened the previous day anecdotes of ‘multiple-personality disorder’?

Its seems that more and more people are prone to indulge in inappropriate behaviour as an escapism to this globosely mentally and emotionally overwhelming situations of everyday living.

Some people hide the fact that they have personalities that makes them pinchers, only to psychologically shape-shift at a secretive moment, or when the time to pinch arrives. Others find themselves in clothes which are meant for the other sex. Others hide the fact that they are sex maniacs, who indulge in romps of sexual activity without throwing a caution to the wind – when they get caught, it’s all denial: “It was the other person that did it, not me.” When in actual fact the tell-tale signs of putting the hand in the cookie-jar are right there, there in front of them.      

The most fascinating part about this ‘multiple-personality’ psyche, is the link between traditional norms of mysticism and one’s ability to go into a trans-state, therefore allowing ancestral spirits to communicate with the living through an individual’s body. Scholar of psychology claim that this ability to commune with the dead as a mere symptom of ‘mental debilitation’ or ‘mental disease’ i.e. schizophrenia.

Is spiritual visitation part of this ‘multiple-personality’ accretion to the madness of this world and humanity’s assumptions of finding an unknown place to hide? A representation of death.

A legion of thought framework, coupled by a traumatic experience can lead an individual’s neurological pathways to criss-cross and find an escapism within its self – an alternate personality. As to whether natural mischief can be accounted to ‘multiple-personality disorder’ that is another hypothesis – in knowing or not knowing.

   

With all the indifference that has overwhelmed the world and destroyed people’s lives – one could not help but wonder if people forget who they are – psychologically shape-shift, only wake up to realise what they’ve done.

WORD TO A NEW PERSONALITY REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala


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ULTERIOR MOTIVES THAT LEAD TO SOCIAL FRAILTY

The vignettes of social interaction have in many ways evolved and transgressed to the most mundane, and the most obsessed, obnoxious interactions - lingering to the sick social, psychopathic instability. Psychosocial tendencies have been affected by the lack of moral values in family life, and community standing.

Many people enter the scene of social life to gain experience and improve their communiqué skills; to gain more friends; to advance their human knowledge and find uniformity in their spiritual, emotional, and physical existential matters.      

  

However, in the past decades, more and more people are prone to commit repugnant social-ills and fall some people for prey to such social-ills. Psychosocial tendencies have in previous years led to a fundamental psychological question:

Do you as an individual enter another person’s life with ulterior motives, to reach your ill-begotten ambitions, no matter what happens or the consequences there off? Or do you enter a person’s life to motivate, inspire and uplift their livelihood: sustain and bring stability to them?

There are some individuals that go out of their way to use social interaction through various networks, including close-contact to prey on other individuals sexually and physically violently by luring them into their lives, pretending to be friends but at the end just bare psychosexual predators, and stalkers.

Social Networks such as ToGo, Mixit, Twitter, Facebook and WhatsApp et al. – have been used to lure people to private mysterious places then preyed on sexually and physically at times leading to murder.   

    

We are the conversant images of our spiritual selves. What affects the emotional, physical and mental – touches on the inherent spiritual side. Technology preys on this notion to make one whole gain; creating an emotional vulnerability that needs a physical presence to ease the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual yearning, and neglect.     

At times, emotional vulnerability is an after effect of all the storms of verbal, physical and emotional abuse – we humans do not really grasp the thin veil that constitute and separate “Real Love” and “Obsession Love”. Thus, in Loving someone, we use emotional ordnance to hide the abuse and pain that has lingered to that has lingered for years, and has gnawed on the emotional stability that keeps one sane, therefore fragmenting the very little ground they stand on – their world.

The worst part about this psychosocial instability is that, the person that scarred the perpetrator doesn’t get the same punishment they gave or pleads for forgiveness. They get away with the most atrocious crime of abuse, and the abuse, the perpetrator takes it out on the wrong person.

WORD TO A NEW PSYCHOSOCIAL EXISTENCE REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala     

SPELLING IT CLASS! _ C.O.R.P.O.R.A.L – CORPORAL PUNISHMENT!!!

Corporal Punishment was a sore thumb in a not so distant past, as a disciplinary mechanism within the Bantu Education schooling system in the helm of the Apartheid administration. Will the amendment of Corporal Punishment bring change in our schools or improve the standards of learning in our education system?

Many Black students were disparaged psychologically, to attend school due to the callousness that teachers and headmasters took to administer discipline, through a sjambok or a well smoothen twig that was smacked to the buttocks or the hand of the punished scholar.     

Pupils were punished for various misdemeanours, one being incompetence in doing their homework, or failing to answer a question connected to a particular subject, and content of discussion in class. This practice of corporal punishment was at times pushed to the precincts of brutal abuse by teachers who had grudges towards their pupils.

An ethnic indifference usually brought a division amongst teacher and student, thus the child was given a thrashing, because he or she is from such and such tribe or ethnic group. Others were beaten for stating their political, education ideals or for voicing out their disagreements against the state of affairs.   

The worst part about corporal punishment was experienced when a dyslexic or autistic student was given this same treatment for failing to comprehend the content at hand – creating a traumatic neurotic dilemma for the child that’s already in a world of innate confusion.      

I remember when I was a youngster, attending Bantu schools: Thulisa Primary School and Endulwini Primary School in Katlehong and Tembisa, respectively. When students were summoned to the principal’s office - one could hear sonorous cries of a youngster, fending off pain from a stick that was specially crafted for this atrocities deed, called punishment.

In one occasion, a student was beaten on both her hands, and she left school with both hands severely swollen, with red cracks on both, for being cheeky and chatty towards the teacher. She rubbed onion on those hands, I was told.

When I started school I was very much of an introvert and I had a problem with my hand writing, because I loved drawing so much that when I want to write I would end up turning the written text into a rough sketch, therefore my books looked all neat, but raggedy inside. My then, teacher did not understand and failed to give me guidance on how to improve on my handwriting – for this reason, she saw it fit to beat me up until I could write properly. This went on until my grandfather intervened by coming to the school and warning my teacher that she must stop abusing me. My handwriting did improve and I become a star pupil. (other teachers told me I had a doctor’s handwriting)  

Although our generation was beaten at school, it was a rare thing to find that a scholar dropout for being punished. Why? A group of boys was sent to one’s house to go collect a ‘deserter’ and bring them back to school if that happened. In one odd occasion, one child ran away from home and become a street-kid, because he was given a hiding  at school for not having done their homework, and a thrashing at home for spending too much time in the streets with his friends.        

        

A review on the constitutionality of corporal punishment as a legislative measure to instil discipline and improve our education system; into our South African education structure will need a much needed discourse, debates amongst government officials, school headmasters, parents, children and a national referendum, that will cement or reject the Corporal Punishment Law as a mechanism to punish our children in school.

WORD TO A NEW EDU-DISCIPLINARY MEASURE REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala   

  

SELF-RESPECT AND RESPECTING ANOTHER’S SEXUAL PARTNER

Is having multiple partners a norm these days? There’s an alarming number of people, individuals that find it an acceptable thing to pursue other people’s partners and engage in noncommittal sexual romps with or without protection. The worst part about this free association with noncommittal partners, or “Fuck Buddy/Buddies” as it is labelled; is this open-mindedness approach by communities and society as a whole about having multiple sexual partners – which has created a more complex problem of juvenile sexual activity. 

This alarming rate of tolerance towards immoral sexual behaviour is what led and still leads communities to an acrimonious increase in sexual transmitted diseases, and the spread of the AIDS/H.I.V  pandemic.

The “Fuck Buddy” phenomenon was initiated during American’s “Psychedelic” era, and more prevalent with the much revered and revolted  “Hippies Era”, throughout 1960s and 1970s; which largely associated free sexual associations, with whomever you wanted to, anywhere, at anytime with drug use. Getting stoned and getting a natural high. Although others would argue that it has been an old age clandestine occurrence (i.e. Roman Empire Era).  

In the stream of this degenerate moral dilemma of free sexual association, many babies were born without fathers, many marriages crumbled. Many found pleasure in sexual orgies with numerous partners. Many people lost their sense of belonging, due to the free spirited notion that the drugs gave them. Many Sexually Transmitted Diseases (S.T.D) and Sexual Transmitted Infections (S.T.I) were acquired and discovered  – leading to the discovery of the HIV virus and its devastating epoch, in the early 1970’s and early 1980’s globally – to the present.

This “Fuck Buddy” concept has become overrated in today’s society, and has created several problems within social standings, westernised governments with their mental and physical health fraternities.

Today’s generation – men and women do not respect the sacredness of sexuality and intercourse with only their chosen partners. Another widespread voluble notion amongst people is that: “As long as I use protection, I can sleep with whomever I want!”, which ultimately leads to unprotected sex between various indiscreet “Fuck Buddies”; leading to more people acquiring the H.I.V virus, and more people dying from Aids.

Touching another person intimately, whether be it a buddy or lover, develops feelings that do not end with just casual sex, with a noncommittal partner – disrespecting unfaithfulness to your partner.

In Zulu, there is a saying that goes: “Imphahla yeny’indoda iyahlonishwa”, literary meaning “Another man’s luggage must be respected”, figuratively meaning “What belongs to another, must be respected”

A lack of respect for another man’s wife or another woman’s husband, has led to people disrespecting their partners and losing self-respect by chasing other men or women for sexual purposes, and personal  pleasure - creating an immoral predicament, which has scarred and continue to scar our communities beyond any psychological and physiological measures.   

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong about sex and having sex, however its very wrong having multi-partners, plus-minus protection.

WORD TO A NEW SEXUAL REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala 

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WHEN THE SECURE IS THE INSECURE

Should a partner protecting his partner from latter-day social ills be deemed “insecure”, due to the change of the status quo of social and political interactions? What then does it mean to be a protector in a relationship when the “secure” is acquainted and galvanised as the “insecure”, when arguing the dangers that could place each partner to their premature deliberate destruction? 

Does that mean the protector is a dictator? At times a protector is reduced to a dictator – a mental, emotional, and physical quandary called a “prisoner’s dilemma” holdback on the immoral and do the moral or do the immoral regardless the penalty that will be suffered.

The one that thinks that they are being imprisoned will always want to break free from the manacles of perceived suppression. 

A rebellious child for example: no matter what you say to that child right or wrong, you are always wrong until the predicted word of experience leap into life. Then, confusion and more rebellion - ultimately self-destruction. Unless, a lesson is learnt and a way to reconcile the emotional with the spiritual is found.

An old age light – when old age wisdom is not coherent enough, the rebellious will try to alter the course of old age knowing, thinking that they will be victor, when in actual fact they are just bending and prolonging the path of wisdom that will inevitably reach its knowable destination.     

    

Why is it that commonsense doesn’t make no sense, until one finds themselves in a lot nonsense? This coherent wisdom is commonsense, and not matter what a cheating partner may tell you, being a protector of your won and your relationship, in a responsible way doesn’t mean you are “insecure”. Why? A cheater will use such a word (insecure), to make you feel doubt in your mind and heart about their indiscretion about you and your relationship. 

It’s like a Drug Addict: You can’t tell a druggy to go rehab by force, it has to be from within the druggy to get clean. If the druggy is not committed their own rehabilitation, then the druggy will blame the people that are trying to help the druggy, and therefore relapse days after release from the Rehabilitation House. The Druggy is “insecure”, which mean unstable mentally and emotional. And that manifests its self in the druggy’s physical behavior. An equitable quality to a sex addict, that goes around bedding different people relentlessly – condom or no condom.      

A cheater will always defend their insecurity by making you feel as though you are the insecure and paranoid one, when in fact they are really cheating. 

WORD TO A SECURE RELATIONSHIP REVOLUTION 

By Linda Sakazi Thwala

99. Treacherous Three
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FALLACY OF TRUE AFFECTION

Is there really “the one”? The notion of finding true love has become nothing but a distant fallacy of unbeknown true affection, filled with misgivings of pretense and blind thin lines of love and hate, between spending and expenses - mostly due to the lack of honesty with pursued aspirant lovers, or “the one” you with.

Love is an age old thing that we all want to have, craze after, at times knock heads and break legs to get to it, without considering the consequences of being in it and keeping it – a loving relationship.  

Watching etv the other day, an advert that came in as a promo for the station “Everyone wants love”  tingled my thoughts on the subject of L.O.V.E -  are we addicted to the sex and nudity of being, or are we addicted to the communication and the sharing that makes up love?  

Love is a very complicated and complex emotive facet of being, and a personal transverse issue. People fall in love for various number of reasons unfathomed by anything and anyone - differ from person to person.

In others it is really true love – that is a cosmic related affection that can never be explain by those that witness its revelation, as in “Did she really go that far for him?” or “Did he really do that for her?” or “ Are these people in love or mad?” – they could move in a dumpster, and they will still see no one but each other, real love – naïve love. That’s what I call love!

However, there are those of us out there who are not looking for true love, but the false ideal of being in love. We go searching for a lover to carry us financially and not emotionally. We give it up at night and hope he gets through it quickly, because he is not “the one”, then rollover when it’s done and close our eyes in pretence of the reality that will unwrap at dawn – we selling in a good dwelling.

Have you ever sat near a couple that are married but see no camaraderie between them - the man just takes out a big wallet and hands the woman the money, then inwardly growls, a slit perceptive growl, like “Why am I paying you to love me.” She doesn’t even look at him or give thanks. What is going on! No affection! Don’t know about anything, but showing appreciative affection in public makes one appreciates you more.  

What’s  important? The relevance of the situation or the situation’s relevance? Are you in a relationship because you love your partner in spite of everything good or bad around you, and anyone that tries to shake the boat that is carried by that sea of love, thus earn a holistic existence? Or are you in a relationship for the niceties when the nudity is over and done with, thus look to someone else to fulfill the emotional need?  

J Cole and Trey Songz say they “Can’t get enough”. Will people reach a phrase or place where they will be truly enough with their chosen partner, without the laden part. Love matters and has a lot of matters  

A couple can be really happy in the open and behind closed doors and complete each other: communication, emotionally and physically, and reach their relationship's real benefits - longstanding true love.     

WORD TO A NEW TRUE AFFECTION REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala

A GOOD BOOK

Like a good title of a book;

You’ve caught my eye

I have read the first page;

You've captured my mind

Should I read on?

I want to know the theme

You fill my heart

I cannot put this book down

The first chapter is so eloquently written;

I want to know you

A sentence for a sentence

Each metaphor, syllable, euphemism

A tale - the lady that you are;

I wonder about the brackets

Your body so marvelously beautiful

Forget about the exclamation marks

I want to scream your name!

I cannot put this book down

And maybe, just maybe

Not a day too late

I will proclaim

My deepest affection

For thee

This Good Book

 By Linda Sakazi Thwala 

PARENTS WHO USE THEIR CHILDREN AS SHIELDS

A bad relationship can wield a stack of unwarranted nasty warring manoeuvres from two people who use to admire each other, but find themselves fighting an emotional war that leaves no emotional casualties. One of these spiteful tactics is using the child/children as a pawn(s) to make the other partner mentally and emotionally wounded.

Parents who use their children as shields are not only embroiled in a dangerous affair of destroying their own lives, but also stand to annihilate the lives of innocent bystanders that did not ask to be part of their selfish war.  

What parents do in such situations of a desperate ploy to appease their own hurt, and inflict much needed damage to the other spouse – format damaging statements about the other partner to their child/children, or make them respond in an inappropriate manner in front of their children/child. Creating a chaotic verbal confrontation, which leads to physical abuse.

The children end up with a view that their parent is a nothing that can be respected or regarded as an important entity in their lives – even if they were not the ones that initiated the scuffle. This summons more animosity between the couple, an endless circle of abuse.

At times the circle of  ill-treatment resort to name calling on the children/child’s part because their mother or father told them to brand their spouse as such and such. And chose to being insolent and disregarding of their parent’s feelings and property.  The child/children becomes an emotion threat and destructive bridge that can never be crossed – which leads to a partner exiting the relationship/marriage entirely, erasing their children from their lives in the process.   

    

Using your child/children as a pawn(s) in an emotional battle to gain control over your partner  culminates in a lose-lose situation, without positive reprimand.

If children/child goes through life without having experienced a different love or relationship situation and environment besides, the one between his/her parents; grows up thinking that relationships are a repugnant union – therefore the same situation is perpetuated time and again.

The pinches of relationship repression become ever so much harder to surmount, when the child/children turn against you as a parent because of a brawl between you and your spouse, especially when you are committed to being emotionally, physically and financially responsible towards them.   

  

There are better channels that can be used to remedy the situation without resorting to spreading emotional animosity between a child/children and their other parent.           

It is humanly acceptable to feel hurt when your partner or spouse becomes emotionally and physically negligent towards you and your feelings, however it is not acceptable to intentionally turn your child/children against their parent because, you had a fallout with them.      

Parents who use their children as shields in their relationships, end up destroying their own children.

WORD TO A NEW CHILD PROTECTION REVOLUTION

By Linda Sakazi Thwala